I had the best of intentions to write about something positive in the
immigration battlefield this week. Then Phil Gingrey and his lies
crossed my path.

If the name Phil Gingrey sounds familiar, it's because the Georgia Republican was recently in the news for daring to cross his party's elder,
the Right Reverend Rush Limbaugh, when he described Limbaugh as a
rabble-rouser who would not be a good leader. The next day, he apologized not just to His Majesty, but to every other gasbag in the nation.

Now comes news that Gingrey, no doubt trying to further mollify his party base, has introduced legislation known as the Nuclear Family Priority Act,
a bill aimed at limiting so-called "chain migration," where extended
families of legal immigrants are given priority to receive visas.

Here's the text from Gingrey's remarks, as quoted in the Rome News-Tribune.

"Chain
migration is a ticking time bomb. Under current law, one legal
immigrant could potentially yield visas for up to 273 other legal
immigrants in a 15 year period."

With all due respect, Mr. Gingrey, what are you smoking?

First
of all, legal immigrants can only sponsor a spouse and their children -
no, no second cousins, like Gingrey alleges. Not even their parents.
Don't trust me, it's right there in the government's immigration webpage.

Citizens
can sponsor parents and siblings, in addition to their spouses and
children - no, no cousins or nephews either. But for a legal immigrant
to be eligible for citizenship, five years must pass. That knocks off
five years of Gingrey's 15-year path to doom.

In other words,
for a legal immigrant to be able to sponsor 273 other immigrants in
less than 15 years, he or she would need dozens of spouses and
children. 273 total.

But just for the sake of argument, let's
assume that a legal resident decides to go ahead and legalize each and
every person in his or her family. Because in theory it's easier to get
legal documents for family members when you're a citizen, let's assume
this person (we'll call her Claudia for fun) waits until she can take
the oath and begins importing people wholesale. Claudia waits five
years, then she can apply for citizenship. By the time she actually
gets citizenship, six years have passed and then she gets married, and
applies for her mother and all her siblings (three, all college
educated, smart, and very, very handsome, thank you very much. It's the
genes.)
 
Parents and spouses are in a category known as "first
priority" so they get to come first: it takes about two years with the
waiting times, so eight years have passed before Claudia has actually
spawned two immigrants. Uh oh, time's running out. But wait, there's
the siblings still.

The wait time for a sibling of a US
citizen to get immigration papers now hovers between 12 and 20 years. I
should know. I actually applied for one of my brothers in 1996, and I
can expect at least another 2 years until his eligibility date comes
up. Uh, oh - my time to hatch 273 immigrants just ran out. And I only
got two. Darn.

But wait. Since I had two new immigrants, they in theory could help spawn more immigrants. It's called "chain migration" right?

OK.
Let's assume my mom decides I need a daddy and gets married - she's a
widow. Since she's a legal resident, and not a citizen, she can expect
to wait around five years for her first immigrant in her tally. If she
wants, she can become a citizen in five years and petition for her
parents then, a process that would take another two years. There's no
way in hell my grandpa is coming to this country of heathens, but for
the sake of giving Mr. Gingrey a fair chance, let's assume he comes.
No, grandpa wouldn't be a burden on society: my mother would have to
demonstrate she can support him and he would not be able to collect any
benefits. So far, that's five immigrants to my belt.

My
husband would have to wait at least 3 years to apply for citizenship,
then wait for the paperwork to go through, and then begin generating
immigrants of his own. That puts our timeline at 12 years. Still time
to import at least the parents: in two years, two more people.

Seven people in 15 years. The Octomom has a much better record.

The
idea that one legal immigrant can bring another 273 in less than 15
years is so ridiculous that Mr. Gingrey must think his constituents
have refried beans for brains. The lie is so blatant and so outrageous
it's hard to believe he says it with a straight face. Or is he really
that ignorant? The problem, though, is that anyone who decides to take
the anti-immigrant mantle and begins using immigrants as a piñata,
usually ends up lying.

Bill O'Reilley has lied about the number of people who cross the border illegally. Lou Dobbs has lied about immigrants coming across with leprosy. Rick Roberts has said undocumented immigrants collect social security benefits, but everyone knows - or should know - they're not eligible.

They all lie. And we, refried-beans-for-brains that we are, eat the lies up.

Here's
the kicker to Gingrey's legislation. His bill would not only put a stop
to the outrageous 273x1 immigration implosion, it would also "limit
family migration to the nuclear family: spouses, dependent children and
parents."

Gosh, the idea is so wonderful, how come nobody thought of it in 1965?